Sixteen Candles.

14:59 Khadija Muzaffar 6 Comments

DISCLAIMER:
The views, opinions, and experiences expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the author. Please refrain from judging, and just focus on the literary aspect. 


                     INTOXICATING.
It's funny. I write a sentence, and then I tap the backspace continuously till I'm back to square one. You've always had this effect on me, I've always wanted to be perfect for you, weird as that sounds. Some things never change, I guess.

Why is this post titled Sixteen Candles? Maybe it's because of my new Michael Schoeffling obsession. Or maybe just the thought of them, like you, makes me giddy, alive. But then again, you probably knew that didn't you? Anyway, I ran into you after ages. You didn't even look up, nor did we talk. If only I had known, I would have said something, if only. But oh boy. The effect it has had. It has been massive. I'm obsessed with you all over again. It's become maddening. I feel a little like Miley now, cause I can't stop and I won't stop. At least not right now. I know better than anyone else, how long it took me to go through this detox before. To get you out of my system. And now, the thought of having to go through this ordeal all over again, well, it's not something I look forward to.

What did we ever even have that was so...perfect? Did we even have anything? Didn't we just walk into this world with absolutely nothing at all? Then from where was this 'thing' thrust upon us? Does this sound too pseudo-intellectual? Sorry. But sometimes, I think it's just us putting ourselves through mental torture. Because it IS like that. We don't think before we leap, then we get hurt, and then we forget. And then we are reminded again, BY OURSELVES! Who DOES that?! Why? It's like a sick joke our mind is playing on us...

These past few days have been so...weird. It's like everywhere I turn, everything I do, there you are, silently watching me, with that steady intelligent look on your face. The same look that I came to love. The same look that I'll never see again. Do you know, I kind of forget to breath when I'm thinking of you. Every vision of you is so painstakingly beautiful, so vivid, so real that I feel like my heart will burst if I don't reach out for you. Yet when I do, when I extend my arms and bring my fingertips close to that deceiving vision, to know for sure if you really are here, you vanish. Just like that. Out of sight. But never out of mind. Never ever out of mind. Cause it's just not possible. You were the best. You ARE the best. And every single day is a reminder of that. I am breathing right now, because of that. You saved me. That is a debt I'll never be able to pay back, try as I may, because...

Well. It's getting dark now. And it's beginning to get chilly, so I think I should go home. I wanted to bring you flowers, but I couldn't find any vendors on the way. But I did steal a few poppies from a garden I crossed while coming here. Take these bright red flowers, and embark on this new journey. Or have you already set out? Either way, I hope it does you good. I wish the best for you, wherever you are.
I love you.
As you would say, Godspeed.

6 comments:

  1. o_O
    Who is this about?!
    It's very dramatic though.

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    Replies
    1. It's about no one, it's a literary masterpiece :3
      Dude, read the disclaimer na.
      And yes, tres dramatic.

      Delete
  2. This is really nice! You should write a book! I'm not even joking :P

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha thankss :D I've got like seven incomplete books lying around, but yess, I will defo finish one, though :P

      Delete
  3. I love this! This is absolutely amazeballs. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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